For the last 3 months, I was terrified of seeing October 2018. In June, October was the month in which everything was supposed to change. At one point, I considered cancelling one of the biggest trips that my husband and I had been planning for almost a year. I was convinced that I wasn't worthy of such an experience. Bryce talked me out of it...per usual.
For 9 days, I experienced Spain, Italy, and Rome. The world is so BIG. I realized that I have wanted to change to the world, but what I really meant was my world. The world as I knew it. Small. Limited. America. I had time to sit with and unpack my own biases, read and experience a new culture. My American ideals were challenged. My attitude and limited world view placed under the microscope.
I biked through Palma for 3 hours (after being off a bike for 17 years!). I experienced waiters, baristas, and shop owners who took great pride in their work. I battled with my anxiety and fear, but went out every day with positive intentions- ready to seize the day.
Self-care is new to us (Americans). The shops in every port were closed for lunch, and the work day ended around 4pm. People lived near their work, and biked or walked. There was a clear connection to nature. Parks were pristine, trees and flowers were beautifully planted. On Sundays, everyone was relaxing. There was no shopping. The people in Spain were with family and/or friends eating, laughing, and being present.
This trip was not for social media, or a time to accumulate stuff (I did get a cool pair of shoes. Tradition.). I was able to recharge and understand new parts of me, and converse with God while sailing the seas. I found that fear paralyzes and I'm no longer interested in living that way. I learned that life has nothing to do with how much stuff you have. Life is about the memories that you make and time spent with family. God knew that I was going to need time to recharge in October. I went through 4 months of battling with myself, and others. I walked through some deep, dark places spiritually and emotionally. This trip was a rebirth. A light at the end of the tunnel. A time to celebrate salvation from those dark times, and walking toward the freedom of a new me.
Hello October! I am ready to experience you. I still don't know what you hold for me, but its no use in me checking back in on something I gave to God. Its the 4th quarter. Let's win the game.